You READ my diary?
by HiraHayami
Summary: Roxas has a place he goes to when he's feeling angsty. Well, not FEELING, because he has no emotions, but when his face makes that saggy motion. Axel finds him. Barney knows Avenue Q. Everything goes to Hell in a handbasket.


Lol, I REALLY like one-shots, huh?

I OWN NOTHING BUT THE IDEA FOR THIS STORY!

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"Ugh…" groaned a certain spiky-headed ginger.

"Where the fuck am I…?" he asked his imaginary Roxas. He opened his eyes, only to meet the site of… a park? Filled with overly-exited children with freaky forced smiles?

"Crap… I think I played the Bouncy Bed Game with Demyx too much," he voiced.

Just then, a giant purple dinosaur waddled over. But when Axel expected the children scattered around the playground to run away screaming for their lives, they ran over and hugged… it.

"… The hell?"

The Thing spotted our favorite redhead. Axel's eyes widened more than should have been humanly possible and tried to get up and run away, when he finally noticed the ropes that bound his body to the ground.

Purple Dinosaur walked slowly and menacingly towards Axel. Red glints where visible in its too-cheerful eyes. It reached The Flurry of the Dancing Flames and brought out a jump rope.

"_**Adults aren't allowed here…"**_ It growled.

"N-no, actually, I'm ten!" Axel squeaked in the best ten-year-old voice he could muster. The dinosaur looked at Axel long and hard and then said in a surprisingly gay and nasally voice,

"Oh, okie-dokie, then! I'm Barney the Dinosaur!" 'Barney' then proceeded to untie Axel.

'_Thank GOD its unusually stupid.'_ "Y-yay! That's great! Umm… uhhh… let's have… lots of… fun…?" Axel stuttered nervously.

"Ooookay!! Come over here, Baby Bop, B.J., **beeeeeeeep**, _Roooooooxas!" _

Axel gasped. '_R-Roxas??' _

A smallish green dinosaur with a pink bow, a yellow dinosaur with a blue baseball cap, and an orange dinosaur with its face blurred out (I mean, seriously, does ANYONE remember it's name?!) walked out of a house that was previously not there, followed by a short blonde-haired teenager with a bright, uncharacteristic smile on his face.

"Hwello thwere! I'm Baby Bob!" The green thing said in a high pitched voice.

"I'm B.J.!" The yellow one said, clearly thinking itself tough and… erm, 'manly'.

"**And I'm beeeeeeeep! A magical dinosaur that can talk to ducks!" **Said creepy blurred out orange in a deep, robotic still hadn't noticed Axel yet.

'_Its _name_ is 'beeeeeeeeep'?' _

"Hi, there! I'm –" The Blondie started.

"ROXAS!!" Axel yelled out.

The perky teenager's smile immediately fell. "Axel? What are _you _doing here?" He asked angstily.

"Roxas! Right now, you were- aw, man, you were _smiling_!!" Axel yelled joyfully towards his friend.

"I-I was NOT!"

"Jeeze, little buddy, no need to get defensive."

"I am NOT getting defensive, Axel!"

"Oh, psssh-ah, Roxas, I TOTALLY read in your diary that you LOVE dinosaurs."

"I didn't say that- wait, you read my diary?!"

"You SO love it here, don't you, Roxy?"

"Aargh! Its IMPOSSIBLE to argue with you, isn't it, Axel?"

"Wait, wait, wait," one of the kids shouted.

"WHAT?" Both Roxas and Axel yelled in unison.

"What's the need to argue? We should all be having FUN! Right, Barney?"

"Oh ho ho, yes, little child, that's right!"

"Shut. Up. Fucktards. Stay out of this shit, 'kay?" Axel stated dismissively.

"… Barney, what did he say…?" Most of the children whispered to the large dinosaur. A vein seemed to pop in it's huge smiling head.

"That's it, you two. I think you both need to make up to each other and realize your feelings toward one another.

"… wtf?" Roxas and Axel said together.

Barney took a deep breath.

"If you were gay, that'd be okay!"

"Stop singing! And I'm NOT gay!"

"I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY, I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY. BECAUSE YOU SEE, IF IT WERE ME, I WOULD FEEL FREE, TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY (BUT I'M NOT GAY)."

"Um, Mr. Barney…? I think you should stop singing now," Roxas said timidly. The giant purple dinosaur ignored poor Roxas and continued to sing louder.

" IF YOU WERE QUEER,"

"Shut up!"

"I'D STILL BE HERE,"

"No, seriously."

"YEAR AFTER YEAR,"

"Okay, NOW I'm gonna kill somebody," Axel took out his chakrams and slammed them into Barney the Dinosaur's face. There was a large spurt of blood, and everyone nearby ran away as fast as possible. The squashed body of the Purple Beast lay on the grass, the human inside the suit twitching slightly. Sirens could be heard coming up the street nearby.

"*sniff* A-Axel…" Roxas was trying not to cry.

"Aww, nooo, don't cry, little buddy! I promise, on our way home, we'll stop by that ice-cream place you love!" Axel swooned.

"*sniff* A-Axel…"

"What is it?" Roxas slipped his hand into Axel's.

"You're buying."

"… shit."

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Umm… right! AkuRoku fluff! Lol, Roxas is gonna drive Axel broke.

DIE, YOU STUPID DINOSAUR, DIEEEEEEE!!!

Lol, for the sake of this fic, I looked up Baby Bop and the other crappy costume's names on Wiki.

I DO NOT OWN KINGDOM HEARTS OR 'IF YOU WHERE GAY' BY AVENUE Q!

Lol, I think that that's quite obvious.


End file.
